An Alternative Top Ten

Top ten things overheard after the Olympic Chicago debacle

10. “The head of the Olympic Committee, dead! Axel Rod, dead! Oprah, dead! CNN, dead!” –Rahm Emmanuel

9. “The overwhelming majority of members of the Olympic Committee did not vote for Chicago because Obama is black” –Jimmy Carter

8. "He is a jackass"--Head of the OIC

7. "Axel, we forgot that 'negotiate without preconditions' thingy"

6. "I'm off to Paris with the girls and Oprah for three days of sacrifice"

5. "O no you don't"

4. "I told you, the slogan for Chicago was 'Change and Hope' not 'Gangs and Dope'"

3. "Help! Oprah fell off the wagon, she is trying to eat Air Force One!"

2. "I told Nancy the Olympic Public Option theme was not going to fly"

1. "Do it for Ted, pleeeeeeeeeeeease!

Top ten things overheard in David Letterman's office

10. "Whoopy called to say not to worry, "it was not sexual harassment as in sexual harassment".

9. "Oh, I didn't know that was what the Top Ten meant!"

8. "From your office we can see Sarah Palin laughing in Alaska."

7. "The Union of Slutty Looking Flight Attendants are encouraging us to form our own Union of Slutty Looking David Letterman Female Assistants"

6. "What happened to my 'sexual harassment stops here' sign on my desk?"

5. "This must be a plot by Jay Leno and the vast right wing conspiracy"

4. "President Clinton called, he said 'Tell David we need to talk'"

3. "Mr. Letterman is that your letter opener or are you just glad to see me!"

2. "Roman Polanksi wants to know if you will vouch for him also"

1. "Oprah is finally inviting you to her show!"